5 things being single can teach you if you let it

I was sitting in a coffee shop earlier pondering what to write my next blog post about. I probably started like 5 different topics before realizing I was avoiding a very pressing topic that has been requested of me… singleness. I’ve been faced with the thought of singleness a lot recently as I’ve graduated college, moved to a new state, and gotten settled into my job. Most of my close friends are either in a serious relationship, engaged, or married and I… am the token single friend. I have become well acquainted with what it means to be single over the last 5 years, so much so that it’s practically a part of my identity. It’s hard for me to really imagine being in a relationship at this point. What do you do with boyfriends anyways? Am I supposed to feed them? Pet them? Take them on walks?

I casually dated here and there in college but a relationship was not something I was set on getting into. I worked full-time all 5 years, studied hard, partied harder (kidding…), and I just didn’t have the capacity to invest in much else. I have never really been one to cry over my singleness in my adulthood, in fact I’ve handled nearly every failed attempt of a relationship with grace. My friends have applauded my aptness to walk away from those not meant for me and my ability to accept defeat. I’ve heard, “I wish I could just not care like you” more times than I can count and as the token single friend I’ve become an uncertified therapist who’s only advice is “DRAG HIM!”

And while it’s true, sometimes I just really don’t care, I also know how to put on a tough face. I’ve always owned the fact that I’m single but I’d be lying if I said it never bothered me. Sometimes it’s sad and it definitely gets lonely. Sometimes it’s hard being patient and it’s even harder believing that there’s someone out there I could stand looking at for the rest of my life. But aside from the little things, being single has taught me some big and beautiful things. And if you’re single, here’s what it can teach you (but only if you let it):

1. How to be comfortable by yourself. If someone would have told me 6 years ago I would be single for the next 5 years (and counting) I would have laughed in their face and then proceeded to cry. Being on my own was something I was so totally NOT comfortable with in high school. I had the self-esteem of a sea plankton (not sure how low that actually is but it was the first thing that came to my mind) and I thought my worth was strictly to be found in other people. I can confidently say I’ve learned more about myself in the past 5 years than I did in the previous 18. Being single, especially for more than a year or two, gives you the time and freedom to get to know yourself and become more conscious of your own feelings, emotions, wants, and needs. Not to mention, being alone is actually really fun once you’re comfortable with it!!! For example: ordering a pizza and not having to share it with anyone.
2. Being single is better than being in a toxic relationship. As the token single friend, have you ever looked at another relationship and thought, “holy s*** I’m so glad I’m single?” I think it’s in those moments of, “I would literally rather watch a Nicholas Sparks movie every night alone for the rest of my life than be in that relationship” when you value your singleness the most. If there’s anything either a) escaping a toxic relationship and/or b) getting up close and personal to another person’s toxic relationship will teach you, it’s that it’s definitely better to just be single.
3. Wounds heal. Remember the person or 100 persons who told you after your first break-up that it gets better with time? Remember when you told them to  F off and they didn’t understand? They understood and they weren’t lying to you. They were right. It’s really hard to believe that things will get better when everything you’ve ever known and planned for is pulled out from under you, but they do. They totally get better and it’s only in those times of giving all your love to yourself that those wounds will close up.
4. What you’re looking for in a partner. Being single for an extended period of time gives you a lot of time to think about what you do and do not want in a relationship. When you’re constantly jumping from relationship to relationship you’re 1) Probably just not comfortable with yourself and 2) not allowing yourself the time to reflect on your last relationship. There’s something just as important as reflecting on what the other person did wrong and that’s called self reflection – in this case, I mean taking accountability for what you did wrong and what you’d like to do differently the next time around. I won’t share what I’d like to do better next time BUT, I 100% know I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t like pineapple on their pizza or thinks Disney is for kids. Those are huuuuge red flags!
5. Love is worth the wait. I’ve waited… and waited… and waited a long time and I’m still waiting. In fact, if I had to guess, I’ll probably still be waiting in a couple of years, but you know what? That’s okay! Because when love does happen for me (God willing) it’s going to be awesome and I’m going to be so happy I didn’t settle and decided to wait on the Lord (and this slow-poke man) instead.